REVERB | DAY 2 | LIMITS

prompt: limits

We often learn our limits the hard way. Were there any limits you realized this past year? Alternately, what self-imposed limits were you able to move beyond this year? (Author: Carolyn Rubenstein)

NO. NO. NO MEANS NO. i have really had to focus on the word no this year. in looking back on the word create and working very hard at trying to advance in my career at a very pivotal time in my industry and at the same time make new friends and fit in to a new community, i immediately felt that also meant i had to say yes to everything that came my way.

yes, i can volunteer. yes, i can take on that extra project. yes, i can do that on my own. yes, i can watch your kids. yes, i can do that at the last minute. yes, i don't need help. yes, i don't need my own needs met. yes, i don't mind that you waited until the very last minute to ask me that and didn't bother to think that maybe i had plans, before you asked me to do you a favor, and never once stop to consider those sorts of things ever. yes, yes, yes! NO! stop! phew. the roller coaster needs to stop!

and it is just now december when the hard limit has been learnt. and it was a hard, hard lesson to learn. and it was called out to me by my sweet, sweet, supportive husband. who never, ever says a negative thing about my time and how i spend it. but he finally said, "you know? i think you are doing too much. you don't take time for yourself anymore. you aren't doing things you enjoy anymore. and that needs to stop."

the two of us are not making time for the two of us. and that is a breaking point. we were becoming our parents. when i told him one night, he wasn't spending time with us, and he argued that he was, i asked him to tell me the last time he actually played - really, really PLAYED and adventured with us. i stopped him in his tracks. he knew i was right. this has to change.

this year was a big lesson learned in relationships and limits. a bit of a social experiment if you will. i have learned more than i ever bargained for in what my needs are and what i expect in a relationship - and i'm not talking about in my marriage. i finally learned what i can expect to receive in certain relationships based on what i give, and saying yes all the time is not always the answer.

i haven't been able to move past those limits yet, but i can tell you, it is a big focus for 2013. and i'll be damned if saying YES is going to get in my way ever again.